If you have 30 seconds:
Reflect on the moment when G-d asked Adam, "Have you eaten from the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?" (Genesis 3:11). Adam, rather than taking responsibility, replied, "The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I ate" (Genesis 3:12). When G-d turned to Eve, she too deflected, saying, "The serpent enticed me, and I ate" (Genesis 3:13). As motivational speaker Zig Ziglar cleverly noted, by the time G-d approached the serpent, he did not have a leg to stand on.
This timeless story reveals a deeply rooted aspect of human nature—the instinct to avoid responsibility and shift blame. During a recent conversation with a couple, the wife expressed her frustration, saying, "He blames everything on me—why doesn't he take responsibility? He’s always pointing the finger at me."
I gently reminded her of a simple yet powerful truth: when someone points one finger at you, three are pointing back at themselves. I explained that responsibility means being "response-able"— being willing to respond to a situation and influence its outcome. When we take responsibility, we gain the power to change and resolve even the most difficult circumstances. Without it, we remain powerless.
"Those who point fingers seldom lift a hand to fix the problem."
I encouraged her not to judge her husband too harshly. The tendency to deflect responsibility may be ingrained, but with awareness, education, and perseverance, change is possible. Taking responsibility may be challenging, but it paves the way for personal growth, healing, and a stronger relationship.
If you have one more minute:
Rabbi Jonathan Sacks (1948–2020), Chief Rabbi of the United Hebrew Congregations of the Commonwealth, provided profound insights into Adam’s response after eating from the Tree of Knowledge. In his commentary, Rabbi Sacks often explored the themes of moral responsibility and accountability, and Adam’s reaction stands as a pivotal moment in the Genesis narrative.
Rabbi Sacks pointed out that when Adam said, “The woman You gave to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I ate” (Genesis 3:12), he wasn’t just blaming Eve—he was also, indirectly, blaming G-d. This reflects a deeper failure in Adam’s moral character: his reluctance to take responsibility for his own choices. Rabbi Sacks described this moment as a profound moral failure, illustrating humanity's tendency to deflect blame rather than accept accountability.
According to Rabbi Sacks, this episode holds an important lesson about human nature: one of the first moral decisions humans must make is whether or not to accept responsibility for their actions. By blaming both Eve and G-d, Adam showed his unwillingness to face the consequences of his free will. Rabbi Sacks emphasized that true moral growth begins when individuals own their mistakes instead of seeking to shift the blame onto others.
This failure to embrace responsibility, Rabbi Sacks noted, sets a precedent for human behavior. The rest of the Torah consistently emphasizes personal accountability as a cornerstone of spiritual and ethical growth, underscoring the dangers of evading responsibility.
It is also worth reflecting on the insight shared by the Lubavitcher Rebbe that in any disagreement, it is nearly impossible for one person to be 100% right and the other 100% wrong. Responsibility is shared to varying degrees by both parties. The key question we must ask ourselves is, What part of this situation am I responsible for, and what can I do to help fix it?
And remember this:
"Responsibility is the first step to maturity; blame is the first step to failure."
Kindly sponsored by the Schochet family in honour of the marriage of
Menachem Mendel ben Yisrael Ovadia and Sara bat Moshe
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